people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
