You made me cry and you don't even care
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
