Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
