you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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