Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
