alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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