the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
