I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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