Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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