eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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