i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
