my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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