i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Someone came in the potted fern
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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