so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
