I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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