I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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