So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
