Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
