You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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