I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
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How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
be right there i have to get my cape
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize