I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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