I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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