Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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