I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
