in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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