dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
