I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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