You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
