Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
