Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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