farters have to be the big spoon...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
