someone get that fucking seahorse.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
