You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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