There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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