fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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