The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
