I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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