Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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