I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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