Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
