Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
