How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my being single is dangerous.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
