A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
