I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just google imaged poop.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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