I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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