i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
