There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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