I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
