I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
