i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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