I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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