Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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