2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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