what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
