Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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