I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Can I color on your dick again?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
