I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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