I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
