I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
