When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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