Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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