I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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