she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
