17 year olds will be the death of me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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