So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
