I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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