i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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