Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
