he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
is wine microwaveable?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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