I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
