so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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