i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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