Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
