Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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