maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
