Will you blow on my dice?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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