i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
